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Are girls meaner than boys?

Well, I don’t know? But I do know that girls, especially Junior High and High School girls can be vicious.

Boys often fight physically (girls do physically fight but not as frequently as boys) and even sometimes remain friends. In fact, at times, boys admire and respect each other beyond confrontation. There’s often a sense of pride for boys who achieve, conquer or at least don’t back down.

Girls, on the other hand, appear to me to have a great desire to be wanted and accepted. These are not bad qualities, however, girls often use these needs as weapons against each other and among their peers. Rather than not talking to each other or just hanging out with another friend, many times girls will talk about someone they no longer wish to be friends with. They make certain their old friend feels “unwanted and unaccepted”. A devastating feeling as many girls have told me. They report it’s a horrible feeling to have your old friend be cruel and spread rumors or lies. Their old friend may make fun of them by commenting on what they are wearing, or mock what they say. They’ll often pick on anything, even possibly revealing something told in confidence at one time, and get their new friend or friends to laugh or make fun of them.

Junior High School and High School girls are in a time of experimenting with new friendships, new freedoms, body changes, and increased social awareness. As experiences and personalities develop, girls will naturally change friends and develop different interests. Suffering though feelings of rejection can be devastating for a young girls sense of well being.

It is important for parents to believe their daughter as she shares feelings of hurt or rejection. Girls who move on in friendships must be encouraged to do so wisely. Changes in relationships happen, rejection isn’t a necessary part.

We teach tolerance today around many societal concerns. It is important to teach our daughters to be kind and gracious in relationships. If your daughter feels rejected, teach her to see “that person” for who she is, rather then making the rejection about herself. Help your daughter understand being wanted and accepted by others is a wonderful experience within a safe relationship. If her friend proves to be unsafe, help your daughter see that person for who she is …… “an unsafe person to her”. Teach her to respect herself beyond the actions and treatment of others. Teach your daughter to gain approval by being herself, not through the opinions of others.

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